Vegan of the Month – Brian Patton (the Sexy Vegan)

But beneath the naughty patter and the plant-based pizza demos lurks a guy with a serious mission. “I’d wanted to do something of value, something that affects people positively, but I didn’t know what that was. Cooking at the restaurant wasn’t enough — it felt frivolous in some ways. When I found veganism, I found the value,” says Patton, now Vegin’ Out’s executive chef. “It’s my job, I get paid for it, but I’m promoting a healthy environment, healthy people, I can do good stuff and whatever.” And he does it with his balls.

“My Balls” — the Sexy Vegan’s signature meatless meatballs recipe — “serves the world. It shows the world a better ball, a ball that can have a lot of flavor and also a lot of nutrition, without hurting any animal or doing bad things in the environment,” says Patton. “Eat ‘em in pairs.”

This summer, the Sexy Vegan is marrying the woman he refers to in his book as the Girlfriend, and he’s going to look his sexy best. To make wedding weight, he’s specializing in eating salad — not frothy salads that leave you feeling virtuous but famished, but Sexy Vegan salads, like Curry Fried Tofu.

“You need variety,” he says. “You should not deny yourself stuff — you’ll get bored. Have a piece of chicken fried seitan but surround it with broccoli or kale or something that compliments it. Have balance on your plate. “

Patton is still a Trekkie, a pizza fan and a dude, but he’s something more, too. “I feel better now. I’m more of a complete person. When I became vegan, this puzzle came together — that contributes to anyone’s sexiness. When they understand themselves, feel good in their body, they put good feelings out into the world,” says Patton. “That’s what makes someone sexy.”

My Balls

From The Sexy Vegan Cookbook by Brian Patton. Here they are! For the whole planet to behold ... My Balls! You can place them atop a pile of spaghetti or line them up in a hoagie roll, smother them with tomato sauce and your favorite vegan cheese, and bake for a killer ball-parm sando.

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Ingredients

  

• 4 ounces tempeh
• 1/2 cup raw walnuts
• 1 tablespoon nutritional yeast
• 1 teaspoon minced fresh Italian parsley
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/4 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
• 2 cloves garlic roughly chopped
• 1/4 cup diced yellow onion
• 1/2 teaspoon vegan Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste
• 1 teaspoon low-sodium tamari or soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil plus more to lube the 
baking sheet and coat the balls
• Salt and pepper

Instructions

 

• Preheat the oven to 350°F.
• Using a steamer basket, steam the tempeh for 25 minutes to soften it. Then let it cool.
• In a food processor, combine the walnuts, nutritional yeast, parsley, oregano, basil, thyme, garlic, onion, Worcestershire, tomato paste, tamari, water, and oil, and process until you have a semi-moist meal.
• In a bowl, crumble the steamed tempeh with your hands until there are no big chunks left. Then add the mixture from the food processor to the bowl, plus a pinch of salt and a grind of pepper, and mash it all together with your hands. You will now be able to form this mass into little balls. Make them just a bit smaller than beer-pong balls (depending on when and where you went to college, you may know them as Ping-Pong balls), about 12 inches in diameter.
• Lube up a baking sheet with the oil, lay the balls on it, coat them with a little more oil, and bake for 30 minutes. My balls are now ready for consumption.