Meatless Monday: Ms. Porter’s School For MILFs
Originally posted on 05/05/2014 for Huffington Post
Bling and flowers are always appreciated at Mother’s Day, but what moms really want is to be reminded of the MILFs they are.
Okay, there’s that word. Call it female energy, connecting with your womanliness or owning your sexuality, “The MILF Diet” author Jessica Porter would be hip to all that. In fact, Porter is the Hip Chick. The author of “The Hip Chick’s Guide to Macrobiotics,” a certified hypnotherapist (and MILF), she also collaborated with Alicia Silverstone on the #1 bestselling “The Kind Diet” and has done stints as a private vegan chef, an actress, and instructor at the Kushi Institute .
It all started with food. “Food chose me,” Porter says. A bright kid with a serious sugar jones, Porter grew into a brighter woman with an eating disorder and no real knowledge about how to feed herself. “The course I was on was not going to bear good fruit,” she says. “I could easily be someone today who struggles with obesity, medically managing my emotional life. I was hungry to feel better.”
She found her way into a macrobiotics class. Once something she’d dismissed as “disgusting, ridiculous hippie hoo-hah,” macrobiotics “changed my life. I can’t say it changed my life overnight, but it changed my life. Eating natural foods reorganized me. Food made me feel better.”
Of course, it needed to be the right food — fresh produce, whole grains and beans replaced Tang, TV dinners and tubs of ice cream. She gave up meat and processed food. She discovered a spiritual side to herself that a macrobiotic diet totally supported. “Do yoga, see your therapist, but if the stuff you’re putting in your body is garbage, those pursuits will have limited impact,” says Porter. “You want a great meditation? Eat whole grains and vegetables before you meditate — your mind becomes this beautiful deep lake you can swim around in.”
Very nice, but what about the sex? Let us not forget what the F in MILF stands for. Part cookbook, part guidelines for a nourished life, Porter’s book draws a straight line between what goes on in the kitchen and what goes on in the bedroom (or living room, office or hallway). A plant-based, whole foods diet gets rid of your sludge.Your body lightens, your energy grows, your senses awaken. In very happy ways.
In her books and classes, like the ones she just taught aboard Holistic Holiday at Sea, Porter translates macrobiotic’s hippie hoo-hah and unsexy concepts like chewing your food properly to provide brain power into accessible, appealing ways to integrate MILF-making practices and foods into your life. She touts major macrobiotic players like miso, whole grains and sea vegetables, but the former sugar junkie also includes temptations like vegan rice crispy treats. Brown rice syrup and peanut butter replace marshmallows to provide the goo factor. “They’re better quality versions and they’re as satisfying as anything.”
Based in the plant-based mecca of Los Angeles, Porter could eat out every day, “but when I step into the kitchen and start working with whole foods, it’s like the power button in my life gets turned on.”
“The MILF Diet” is all about getting turned on. Can eating a plant-based diet really make you a hot MILFy mama? A sexed-up DILF? “Natural food versus fast food? It’s a no- brainer,” says Porter. “You create a different life. Food is nothing less than magic.”
Hot sex and rice crispy treats, too? What’s not to love? Happy Mother’s Day.
Chocolate Chip Rice Treats.Adapted by permission from “The MILF Diet,” by Jessica Porter, copyright 2013. Published by Atria Books. The classic American mom dessert remastered with whole food better-for-you ingredients,”I have never seen these fail to please. Ever,” says Porter. Just keep the healthy thing to yourself. “Health should be a stealth exercise. Do not talk about it. Sneak stuff in.”
- 4 cups crispy brown rice cereal
- 1 cup brown rice syrup
- 3/4 cup nut butter
- Dash umeboshi vinegar or tiny pinch of sea salt
- Dash vanilla
- ½ cup vegan chocolate chips
- Pour cereal into a large mixing bowl. In a small saucepan, heat brown rice syrup, nut butter, vinegar (or salt), and vanilla over medium heat, stirring constantly until the mixture is smooth, thinned out, and bubbling a little. Reduce heat to low. Keep stirring while it bubbles at low heat for at least 3 minutes.
- Pour rice syrup mixture onto cereal and mix well with a wooden spoon. Let cool until you can add chocolate chips without them melting completely - about 5 to 10 minutes. Fold in chocolate chips.
- Pour into a lightly oiled 8x8 inch Pyrex pan or baking pan and flatten with a wet spatula. Let cool. Slice and serve.
- Add chocolate chips at the end of heating syrup and nut butter, so chocolate melts before being mixed with cereal. This gives the treats an overall chocolate look and taste.
- Add nuts and/or raisins.